you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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