just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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