so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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