it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
