Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
