So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Soap is not a condiment
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
