I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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