I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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