Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize