i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
