just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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