Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you win again, gameday.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize