Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
