Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
