I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
