the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
