I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
