ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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