I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize