he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
