All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
