Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
