I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize