I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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