Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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