I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
