You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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