Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
