The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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