You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
