he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
