You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
