somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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