Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
