I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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