sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
