im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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