The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
