So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
