I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
