if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
