oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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