Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
