Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
