Got a toothbrush?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
we made out on top of his cat.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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