White coat. Heels.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I believe in your delicious
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
