I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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