He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
