Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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