She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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