At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
