There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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