He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
