i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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