I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it's like heaven, but drunker
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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