tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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