i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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