His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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