You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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