Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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