every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
