well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
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