I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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