so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
