Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
