Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
