I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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