i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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