Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
