She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
