How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
