omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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