Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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