Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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