she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
