Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
