is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We left the knife in your bed.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
