they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
