Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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