Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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