ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
